I let out the biggest sigh of relief… I’m in the clear. 

My day started earlier than usual. I opt for early morning appointments- less traffic, less people around, it makes things a little easier. I checked in at 8:10AM. With the hospital’s new COVID-19 procedures, I answer the usual general questions, have my temperature checked and I have a seat in the waiting room. The assistant by the door is completely covered, head-to-toe. I’m glad they are taking the necessary precautions and understand the need for it. Still.. it’s odd to see this as our new normal.

I changed into my gown and was met by my nemesis, the mammography machine. I don’t think my boobs will ever get used to being pulled, smashed into a pancake, all while trying to contort my body to get into the right position and hold my breath for a clear picture. This time.. not so much bruising, which is always a plus. The tech helping me was so sweet, she kept apologizing for the pain she could clearly see across my face and hear. I couldn’t help but wince as the large paddles smashed my boobs in place. Although this is uncomfortable, I know 100% this is something I NEED to have done. 

The Radiologist on-duty came in to see me after reviewing my images. “Good News!” He said as he walked through the door. “Everything looks good, I don’t see anything new to worry about.” Yes!! “But it looks like your doctor also ordered you to have an ultrasound done as well. We’ll do that in a few minutes and you’ll be on your way.”

The ultrasound part has never been painful or something I dread, but it’s always difficult to just sit there in silence while they scan your body parts. What are they seeing in there?? Why do they keep circling back to the same spot? Is something there I should be worried about? I try looking up at the machine, but I have no idea how to decipher what I’m seeing, so my mind starts to wander… I try to calm myself down and take deep breaths. Then.. it’s over. I wipe off the gel and change into my clothes. 

I left the appointment feeling only half satisfied and complete. Although my mammo looked good, I still wanted to wait for the results of the ultrasound before breaking into full celebration mode. 

I received the full results the next day. 

Waiting makes me just as anxious.. in the days leading up to the appointment, my emotions were so high that I needed some sort of release. I cried. I cried so hard and it just wouldn’t stop. I’m not sure if it was the waiting that got to me or every feeling in general. But within those 24 hours, I cried and it felt so good after to have let it all out. Thank goodness for my hubby… him holding me for those few moments, helped calm me down. 

The results:

I write today, feeling less anxious, a little more calm and I can breathe a little easier. Another 6 months in the books… <3