I sometimes feel like I don’t know much. Maybe it’s insecurity or anxiety or fear? I’m 36 years old and I don’t feel like I know things (that just sounds ridiculous to say out loud, let alone type). I don’t know what I want to do with my career. I don’t know if I’ll ever like carrots. I don’t know if I really like alcohol anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to buy/own a home in CA. I don’t know if I will ever be able to fully accept my new ‘normal’. ..just to name a few.

Even with my long list of don’t knows.. What I do know seems most important in my Recovery right now. I know I want to explore my passions, to see where that leads me and to help others along the way.  I feel like I ignored this part of me last year. I felt I was so ready to move forward, to move on from my treatments and from my cancer that I put this part of me aside. And I missed it. I missed this avenue of expression and creativity. I missed this process of sharing my thoughts, fears, and personal experiences with all of you.

For me, this is my healthy reprieve. In-between health updates, you will be seeIng more of my steps towards figuring life after cancer, my post-treatment new ‘normal’. I’m learning to ask more questions and to be open to trying new things. I want you come along on those adventures, good and bad. 

My hope is that I slowly begin to understand myself more and in turn, shortening my list of don’t knows. It will take some time but I’m optimistic I’ll discover the best me.