Looking at her, you wouldn’t see the hurt or pain she’s experienced. You wouldn’t know the doubts, fears and flaws she sees when looking in the mirror. At times, I feel as if I can remember the bad times so vividly, more so than the good. Cancer took so much from me… my hair, time, laughter, friendships, my shine, and replaced it with such negative thoughts, insecurities and anxieties. Those flaws, doubts and fears became such a prominent fixture in my life. During my treatments, it broke my heart to see the girl I was physically, emotionally, and mentally becoming. I felt I couldn’t control any part of that situation. It made me long for the days when life felt so freeing – a time I took for granted. It was difficult to look past each specific moment in front of me and not hold a grudge against this disease.

Now, after many dark moments and scarier experiences… I can proudly call myself a survivor and surviving, for me, is just the beginning. I want to share my story as it continues beyond my treatments and surgery, in hopes that it can give others a little more hope and spark their inner shine back to life. Because my journey has taught me so much more about myself, my strengths and vulnerabilities. I’ve learned to value what’s in my heart to be true. It’s showed me my resilience and determination. And has taught me kindness and forgiveness. No part of my story has been easy but as I slowly learn to let go of my grudge and face my doubts and fears, I feel I can allow myself to smile again, to feel light one day at a time.

During the month of February, I’m concentrating on Self-Care and Self-Love.  My outlook on life, love and everything in-between has changed so much in the past year.  And lot of that has to do with my cancer experience and the new perspectives I gain with each new moment.  A few months ago, I wouldn’t have been as eager to write this or to appreciate all that I have… 

This is me today… one year after my diagnosis, months after completing my treatments, with a full head of hair, sharing a laugh and awkward moment, captured by my 💕

And this is my most recent hair journey: (it includes a rockin’ mullet and a much needed haircut!)