It’s been 1 year and 5 days since I received that call from my doctor letting me know of my diagnosis.  Breast Cancer. Although I’ve been through so much, I still hesitate to say those two words – not because of what it actually is but the thoughts they provoke (in me and others).  It’s difficult to believe that I’ve spent the last year of my adult life going through what I had to do to survive, to live for my future self, to be my own cheerleader.

For me, reaching this anniversary, it would be strange to not address my recovery and progress, having been through this damaging and life-changing event.  I’ve learned so much in the past year about breast cancer treatments and side effects, but most importantly I’ve learned so much more about myself.  When my life was abruptly changed, it brought out so many emotions and fears. I didn’t know how I would manage them all or even have the ability or wanting to acknowledge them (period).  

Fear is a funny thing.  It’s something that’s always inside whether we like it or not.  Facing my fears was something forced, something I had to learn to do from the moment I felt that lump in my breast.  Most times it can work against us, persuading us not to do something or foreseeing the downfall of a particular situation; BUT in a few rare instances, fear can help us.  It can guide us through the bullshit and help us to come out on the other side, a more bright and responsive side. In my case, I used my fears and created a new world for myself.  A world where I’m not afraid to have an honest conversation. A space where I could be vulnerable. A place where I can be my true self, without hesitation, without make-up, without hair, just me.  Creating this blog has been that world for me and is a major part of my recovery… of me letting go of those fears.  

Addressing our fears and living through them, day by day, may make us vulnerable but at the same time, can help us become so much stronger than we could have ever imagined.

Yes.. It’s been 1 year and 5 days since my diagnosis.  I have been comforted, afraid, lost, sad, pissed off, tired, joyful, confused and brave.  I’m still all of these feelings but with the added strength to learn from each emotional step this journey takes me on.  Thank you for reading this and taking the time to be apart of my story and most importantly, my recovery.