Happy 2020 and welcome back!

Can I just take a basic minute and say, I cannot believe its 2020?! Where’s the flying cars, a la Back to the Future, part II? And with that, I just dated myself again. 

I would like to re-introduce myself to everyone. Yes, it’s been months since I wrote and so much has happened. I promise I will update you all on my full-2019-experience.  In the meantime, I wanted to truly say thank you. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here. It means so much to me. 

With the start of the new year, I feel its time to start fresh. I know, I know, that’s everyone’s intention at this time. I felt 2019 was filled with so many learning opportunities, positive and not so positive – it was a time for me to learn and re-learn who I was. I tried to rush into things (so many times) thinking it was what I needed to move forward, but looking back, I realized the timing just didn’t feel right. I know I still need support and stability, while slowly putting the pieces together to discover my ‘me’ self. 

The first piece of the year had so much meaning and emotion behind it.  During chemo and treatments, I was prescribed so many medications to remedy nausea, anxiety, rash, pain, and almost every ailment one can anticipate. And I kept them all in my medicine cabinet. They sat there, nicely stacked for over a year and a half, untouched. I know I could have thrown them out right after my treatments ended as part of my celebration but something inside of me just couldn’t let it go… afraid I might need it again, afraid that it might come back.  I was too afraid of jinxing all my good energy that I left it there, for safekeeping. Just thinking about this now is making my heart race (hello, anxiety). 

A few days ago, something clicked. Maybe it was the euphoria of starting new starting a new year, a new decade, without the pressure or just wanting to be in a more positive light, but I took all 8 bottles down and disposed of them (appropriately). There was something so freeing about letting this go. Another part of the cancer-me gone, on my terms. I was ready. I am ready. 

This small but mighty experience made me realize that I’m ready to work on each piece of my ‘me’, seeing where and how each piece fits, moving things around and not giving up. I know each day will be difficult but one day, maybe years from now, I’ll understand what each step I’m experiencing really means. Right now, I’m happy and relieved to just be here. Trying new things and appreciating each moment.