This past year has been full of new experiences, some so soul-sucking-awful, while others have been surprisingly good. One of those awful moments was of course losing my hair during chemo. Barely two infusions into my treatment plan, my hair had already started falling out and the shedding didn’t stop (even after shaving it.)  Just having sprouts of hair on my head, lashes, and brows, everywhere, for so long, it slowly started to become the norm for me.

A few short weeks after finishing my chemotherapy treatments, I started to notice hair growth.. And a few weeks later, more and more.. I was so excited, yet shocked at how quickly our bodies can regenerate and bounce back.  

(Top: July 24 & Aug 24; Bottom: July 8 & Aug 24)

The hair on my head grew back in patches at first – the sides and sideburns started growing, then slowly the top. At the same time, the hair all over over my body started growing too!  Arm and leg hair are now growing like crazy.. I HAVE to shave on a regular basis *sigh* and don’t even get me started on my facial hair! I feel like the wolfman if I don’t use a hair removal cream.  My lashes and brows are slowly growing and looking good!

Left: Oct 5; Right: Sept 27, Sept 2, Sept 21 (wolfman)

Seven months after my hair loss, probably one of the more difficult experiences associated with this process, and I’m finally able to recognize myself in the mirror.  I have a full head of hair – it’s about an inch or so long, but still full, soft, and so dark! I haven’t seen my true hair color in years.

In August, I went grocery shopping SANS head cover, and it was amazing!  I was still a bit apprehensive in doing so but with my hubby’s encouragement, I went out as the real me. It was like a breath of fresh air.  I took a cap with me just in case but in all honesty I didn’t need it. A few weeks later, we went to dinner without a cover as well. We ate BBQ and it was nice not having my wig hair get in the way of my food time!  

Aug 19 :: grocery shopping @ Whole Foods

Embracing my appearance without hair (or very minimal hair) has been a challenge for me. I’ve blogged before about how important is for me to feel confident in my own skin and how the thought of going out in a public space without a head cover has been an internal struggle for me. No matter how much I try to talk myself out of the mindset that everyone is staring or knows about my cancer or whispering.. It still gets me at times.  However, I’ve been trying to put myself out there more and have been feeling more comfortable with the idea of who I am now and embracing those struggles the best I can. 

This particular part of my experience has taught me to value patience.  For me, I’ve always pushed myself to be first, to be the best at things, to finish things quickly.. And yet, my current reality has been so different.  It’s been a difficult change of pace to master, through the tears, the worry, the anger, but when I look back and see how far I’ve come – not just with my hair growth but overall – it’s amazing how much we can endure.  

A part of me wishes I could go back to tell the me who is just starting treatments that I’ll survive the hair loss, that it will grow back, that I’ll learn from it, and even embrace it.  

… but I’m almost positive she wouldn’t listen!